Haven't Given Up

It's been awhile! I haven't fallen off the wagon, gained weight, and decided to give up. I just have been dealing with life. My gym partner (Mom) has returned to work. So I have been slacking on getting to the gym on every single day off I have. Which makes so sense because the first two months of my journey I was able to make myself get to the gym all by my lonesome. I guess I just got used to having her with me. I'm giving myself this last week of just going every other day. Then IT'S ON!

I haven't gained but I also haven't been as strict as I had been with tracking every morsel of food I slap into my face. My water intake? It has suffered since the weather has started to cool down. I just filled my Bubba Mug up, and am hoping to get my gallon in today. All of these things I know happen at points in the journey. Important thing is to realize that and make the changes needed. Most of my other attempts I would have given up completely. Nope, not this time.

So I have maintained my weight. And I am ok with that. It'll start going down next week mark my words!

I've also attempted to start running. I got fitted with running sneakers and a specialty store and am able to do intervals with much more ease than I was able to prior. It's helped that I'm pretty fit cardio wise. I still have aches and my feet still hurt a bit. But I've been told running hurts. I'm also still rather overweight and it stressed my body.

I just had a nice salad for lunch. Making pasta tonight so I wanted to make sure to have the calories set aside for that.

So yeah... I am here, still doing what I do.

Much needed encouragement.

Just woke up, got naked, and got on the scale. So glad to see a downward motion! I had hit a small plateau and it was starting to bother me mentally. I was still looking in the mirror, unhappy with what I saw. Living in a body its hard to see the changes. I know I am losing weight as the scale has gone down, and my jeans are so baggy it was bordering on ridiculous. Last week right before Labor Day I told my mom that I wanted to go buy new jeans. This is something that I haven't wanted to do in 2 years. Last time I purchased jeans I had to go into Lane Bryant. I was completely mortified. Sure I fit into their smallest size but it was a low point for me. Those jeans were now falling off of me, and it was time to see what I could fit into. So we headed down to Nyack (mostly because I wanted sushi for lunch) to do a little shopping. Old Navy was having a Labor Day sale. I grabbed 2 pairs of jeans size 18, and 16. In the dressing room I slipped into the 18's too easy, buttoned them. OH MY GAHD! They are LOOSE! Moved on to the 16's they fit PERFECTLY. At that moment I almost cried! Instead? I took some mirror selfies! Which in itself is a milestone as I haven't taken a picture of myself in years. At the start of my journey I had mom take a few before pictures and boy am I glad I did (even if I look like total crap). 

That was what I needed at the exact moment. That little push to keep me going. So I now own two new pairs of jeans. One of which only cost me $6.99! Later that night I went out with Don because I had to wear my new jeans. And tried on a fuzzy North Face jacket I had been lusting over. The last time I tried them on an XL didn't fit. This time? The L fit! I'll be investing in one before the weather gets colder. Gosh it was a good week last week.

Last night after work I was so super hungry. I ate a little over my calories but I still lost weight! 

Starting Weight: 245.8

Current Weight: 227

Total Lost: 18.8

Get Away

Provincetown Harbor

Well I've been hanging in there ladies and gents. Not many posts, but not because I have fallen off the healthy lifestyle express. Nope, I just needed to take some time to myself. A few weekends ago my mother & myself went away for 3 glorious days. Went to Plymouth, Massachusetts and it was splendid. We toured the Mayflower, Plimoth Plantation, visited Plymouth Rock, went whale watching, and spent a day in Provincetown. While away I ate what I wanted, but still tracked and stayed within my calorie goal. Our hotel had a nice, but small gym so I was able to get a good workout in. I came home, weighed in and found that I maintained my weight. If only I had worked out another night I am convinced I would have lost a pound or two. This little getaway not only was a reward for my handwork so far, but also a chance for me to clear my head and de-stress. There has been some family drama that I have been dealing with because I am the helpful nurse, and loyal to my flesh and blood. So it was really nice to just get away, and enjoy something that didn't involve any of it. As soon as we got back I asked my mother "Where to next?"

Yes I am still on track. Yesterday I cut my calories intake down by 200 to see if I will see more of a downward trend in my weight. I'm so close to being down 20 lb. it hurts. I'm cutting back on my workouts because I don't think I wasn't giving my body enough time to recover. Some nights I will go to the gym at 10 or 11pm and then go back the next day at 11am. I'm going to try a 3 or 4 day a week schedule. Like I said in my first post I am re-evaluating as I go.

Now my weigh in!

Starting Weight: 245.8
Current Weights: 228.4

That is 17.4 lb that are completely and totally gone!

It isn't always about the scale victories.

This caught my eye about a week or two ago on Instagram. At that point it was something I needed to see. The weight wasn't melting off me despite my hard work. I was starting to get discouraged. Then I saw this. At that point I could honestly say I accomplished every single one of those things listed. Sometimes it's the non-scale victories that really do the most for your moral.

My hard work has made my mother want to get back into the gym. She's been coming with me for about two weeks. She runs, I don't. Last week we were on our way to the gym and passed my old high school. "Hey why don't we go to the track?" I suggested. I wasn't thinking, it just seemed like a great idea as I saw that nice turf come into view. Mom was all for it since she loves running. Let me tell you something. I am not in any way, shape, or form a runner. I never have been. I have horrible wide feet that never seem to fit in any sneaker correctly. I get blisters, and have horrible foot pain. But do you know what? I ran. No I didn't run a mile, or even a half. I ran the straight stretches, which equaled out to 1/4 mile. My calorie burn was 550 for 45 minutes of work. I was sore for 3 days after. I also gained 5lb. those days following. Did you know that sore muscles retain an obscene amount of water and cause weight gain? Well they do, and they did. I'm still fighting sore muscles because I decided that trying the treadmill last night was a great idea (it was not). I'm determined to be able to run a 5K within the next year. After I lose a significant amount of weight and don't notice my feet improving I will get fitted for running shoes, and inserts if needed. I will be a runner, mark my words. It is nice to try different things. In a few weeks I'm going to try a Body Pump class with a co-worker. I have Les Mills Pump at home, but always find and excuse to not do it. I am not a home workout person.

And now to my most recent weigh in!

Starting Weight: 245.8
Current Weight: 233.6

That's 12.2lb. lost! I've also tracked on MyFitnessPal for 45 days in a row!

Euphoria

Working out can sometimes be a magical experience. Today I had one of those workouts that was pure magic. I've worked the last two days, and it was a busy two days. I needed a workout, a good one. I took my pre-workout because I haven't the past few workouts and I could see a difference in my performance. Strictly doing cardio at the moment still. I think this week is the week I add weights to my routine. But anyways back to today. I did my usual interval workout, but pushed myself harder than usual. Halfway through I had this rush of feelings, I felt like I was going to cry. It might sound crazy to someone it's never happened to. From that feeling came a feeling of total euphoria. All the stress was gone, all the worries disappear. It was such a release, and made me want to push even harder the last 20 minutes. And push I did, I almost puked in the last 10 minutes! Total calories I burned were 403. Not a bad workout to fit in between two more work days.

This morning I even treated myself to french toast. I had mentioned to my mother I had a craving for french toast. This led to her give me a dirty look, then question my diet commitment. This morning she made me 1 glorious slice of french toast. I used a scant amount of syrup and butter, and it was the most fantastic thing I have had in awhile. Hit that craving spot on without ruining my daily calorie intake. I've been saving myself $14 a day when I work by not buying food in our cafeteria. So that is about $140 a month in savings. I'm bringing leftovers portioned out in my bento box, along with plenty of snacks to graze on throughout the day. As a nurse we may not get ample time to eat regularly, but we can grab something and eat on the run. The hardest thing about trying to be healthy at work is drinking water. I bring my Bubba mug with me, and try to get at least 2 refills in. Yesterday I only filled it once. Somedays I just won't be able to get my fluid intake in. Ideally I'd fill up twice at work, and twice at home. Which I could count my fill in the morning for my ride into work as one of my two home fill ups. It still has to be improved on.

I've finally made a doctors appointment to get blood work, and a physical. It took me a long time to do this because I'm a nurse, and never seek help. Its been 7+ years since my last physical (pre-nursing program). Last time I saw a real doctor about an issue was 2011 for my gallbladder. That appointment consisted of me requesting an ultrasound, and blood work because they were taking that sucker out. It took me forever to decide who I wanted my primary physician to be. One of my favorite hospitalists left us to work at my favorite medical group. So it was a no brainer when I found out a few weeks ago. I made an appointment in August. Just to get a baseline, and see where I stand. I'm sure I am healthy, but I like to see it in writing. And god forbid I drop at work, I am associated with that medical group and won't be touched by anyone else. Nurses have trust issues when it comes to doctors.

Tomorrow is my weigh in. And the start of another two days a work. May the force be with me.

Changes happen off the scale too.

Any diet or lifestyle change can be discouraging. Without results people fall or leap off the wagon. This was me a few weeks ago when my scale decided to become a useless piece of expensive glass and electronic innards. I whined "I don't even know how heavy I actually was to start!" Whined that I didn't know what progress I had made in the weeks before. I realize today, as I am starting to see progress, the changes I made that week are huge.

I have finally successfully kicked my soda habit. This was done without even trying. I just started ordering water or unsweetened iced tea out. When I was home the same constituted my fluid intake. I no longer have that craving for carbonated beverages. Huge success! I am controlling my portions like a boss. Yes I am using a child sized plate to eat off, but it works! I weigh and measure most of my food. There is some guessing from time to time if I am going to be totally open with you all. All those meals go into MyFitnessPal. I've tracked my meals for 26 days! All of my days off now are not complete without a trip to the gym. A little modification has been done to my previous plan. I had planned to do cardio mixed with free weights. This is what I started doing, and was enjoying it. Until I noticed the scale not moving. We all know how that story usually ends. Instead of quitting I decided to just try 30-40 minutes of cardio, no weights. Guess what? I started losing. I will incorporate weights sooner than later. I just think for my sanity seeing the scale move was needed.

That being said I noticed last night that things are starting to fit better. A pair of PJ pants I am almost certain were tight on me, to the extent I took them off and put them away, are loose now. Day by day I am seeing and feeling changes. Changes are good.

Now for the weigh in!

Starting Weight: 245.8 lbs
Current Weight: 239 lbs

I'm going to keep doing what I am doing with my eyes on the prize!

Taking it one day at a time.

I was off today. This is a three day work week for me. I picked up a day from a co-woker, she needed it off for family matters. Any other time in my life I wouldn't be mad about working. This week I am mad though. Work is cutting into my gym time. Just those two days away seemed like a week. I only did cardio today, 40 minutes of it. But that are 40 minutes I spent of myself, 386 calories gone. And before you all say "Get up before work and workout." No, I will not. This chick doesn't do 4am.

It only took 2 weeks, but the gym is now part of my routine. I feel crappy when I am at work not working out. Yes as a nurse I get plenty of activity, but it is different. That is why I also feel that much more inclined to kick my ass at the gym. Simple walking on the treadmill will not benefit me as much as a sweat fest on the arc trainer. Walking is better than no activity, but its not for me. With that being said I am hoping to team up with the treadmill after I drop some weight and get fitted for running shoes. I have horrible foot pain and it's either weight related or a foot issue or both. Time will tell. I'd like to be a runner when I grow up.

My calorie intake has been on point. Been eating less fruit this week, and we will see how that equals out in my weigh in. My appetite has completely changed this time around too. I am hungry at the appropriate times. Not just when I am bored, or random times during the day. It's a combination of my workouts and water intake I think. I am trying to drink a gallon of water a day. I have a 32oz Bubba Mug, fill it 4 times and that is my intake goal for the day. I've been off sodas of all types for 3 weeks. I'm strictly only drinking water, and unsweet teas. There are many days (generally days I work) were I am not taking in at least three 32oz mugs. Today I slacked as well. But it has helped. And amazingly enough I don't miss soda one tiny bit.

Just taking it day by day. Not letting the scale rule me. Not letting one bad day get me off track. One more day of work tomorrow, then FIVE glorious days to hit the gym ahead of me.

The struggle is real!

Losing weight is a frustrating process. Which is why so many of us struggle with it. I've been on a new journey going on 3 weeks. Today I stood on the scale, and felt absolutely defeated. I've been working out every single day I have off from work. Putting my all into it. Watching my calorie intake, finally kicked the diet soda habit. I'm seriously in it to win it this time. And to see the scale go up!? I know it could be muscle gain, I know it could be many other factors. It's still painful. This time I'm not going to let that feeling of defeat win. It's just making me want to work harder. 

This morning I decided to cut out the fruits I was eating daily, sometimes several times a day. Maybe it's the natural sugars. I'm going to add another 30 minutes of cardio to my workouts in the next week or so. I'm splitting up cardio because an entire hour on those machines is torture for me. Ever want to get a confession out of me? Throw me on a treadmill or elliptical for an hour or more, I'll talk! 

My workouts have been great. I burn no less than 400 calories each gym trip. Those are calories I haven't been tracking in MyFitnessPal. Right now I do not want to eat them back. I'm trying to maintain 1700 calories a day. I have been doing pretty good sticking with that. I think though I need to really, really watch my portions and measure everything I eat. I have my scale and measuring cups and spoons easily accessible. 

Also halfway through the first few weeks I purchased a new scale. I had the hi tech Withings WiFi scale. Has all these fancy features & cost me an arm & a leg. Please tell me how I could stand on it and weight one weight. Then stand on it again 3 minutes later and be up or down 10lbs?! So I am not even entirely sure my starting weight is what I think it was. I'm just assuming. That is also depressing because I could have very well dropped 10lbs & wouldn't know for sure.

So my starting weight, the one I am going with is 245.8lbs. Last tracked weigh in a few days ago was 240.3lbs. Not a bad loss right? Then why is it depressing me? I know its not healthy to lose fast. I don't want hanging skin if I can avoid it. Slow & steady wins the race.

I'm going to be posting more. Things from food I am eating, recipes I have loved, things I have purchased, weigh ins, just rants. There might be posts here that are nothing but me whining. It happens, it's my blog & I am going to do what I want to.